Countdown To My Surgery

Yeah, I'm definitely counting down this shit.

So, most people know what is going on with my shoulder, but I guess a lot don’t. So, I’m going to give the end all be all of diatribes here.

Last July I was hanging a shelf in my apartment. I had a boyfriend, whom we will refer to as the asshole ex-boyfriend, and the shelf was being hung above my head. I was standing on a chair holding up one end of the shelf, he was screwing in his side. Well, that’s what he was supposed to be doing, until he lost his grip on his side and all the weight hit me. I felt my shoulder “pop out”, I fell to the floor and felt it “pop in”. As I laid on the floor, grabbing my shoulder and crying, Asshole Ex-BF stood over me and told me “it’s not that bad, get up”. Boy, did I prove him wrong.

Two days later I still couldn’t move it. I went to the doctor, they ex-rayed it, stuck it in a sling and gave me drugs. I think I wore the sling for 2 weeks, and all was well. I thought it had healed.

Fast Forward to December, I dumped the asshole, Phil and I are back together and we went Christmas shopping (during the big snow). While we were out my left arm started to hurt a lot, for days it hurt and burned and I couldn’t move it. It only got worse when I joined the gym in January. By that time, if I rolled over badly in bed I screamed, some days I couldn’t get my own shirt on. I got into the regular doctor and she ordered and MRI. As we all know, I had a hard time with it and it took two times and a lot of anti-anxiety medication to get me in the giant magnet tube.

When the results of the MRI came back it showed I have a tear in my labrum (cartridge in my shoulder) and I was referred to an orthopedic surgeon. First I have to see the PA. He was a jerk, but referred me to the actual surgeon. I met the surgeon, he seemed preoccupied and unconcerned. He took my shoulder and moved in ways I hadn’t moved it in months. At that appointment he ordered ANOTHER MRI, because I just figure they hate me. The difference between the MRI’s is that the second one is done with contrast. While I was in the doctor’s office the nurse explained to me that meant an IV. Yeah, fucking right. Turns out it has to be injected into the shoulder with big long needles and an x-ray for accuracy.

When the surgeon received the results of the 2nd MRI it confirmed the tear, and he asked me to see if I could “live with it”. This was around Mid-March. I decided that I would try physical therapy, and get the therapist’s opinion on the matter while I decided if I could “live with it”. I started physical therapy with Jessica, who was really nice, but also very honest. She’s the only person that has ever explained the actual injury to me. I have a posterior term of my labrum, it’s what the surgeon calls a “10 to 6” tear (imagine a clock face). She explained in my first meeting with her that the tear is 3 – 4” long.

That’s right, it’s a HUGE tear. When the surgeon asked me to “live with it” I assumed the tear was a tiny thing, and maybe the daily pain was just an over-reaction. I thought maybe if I went to PT and worked through it I might be able to get around the tear. But, it’s a huge portion of the cartridge that holds my shoulder in place.

I learned through PT that there was nothing she was going to be able to do, she urged me to see the surgeon again. Even on my good days my “range of motion is still crap” according to Jessica. At this point I can’t raise my arm above the plane of my shoulder. I can’t pick up anything with it. And half the time if I’m doing anything (sitting, driving, walking at the grocery store) my arm becomes dead weight because I can no longer hold it up with the muscles around the joint, which is pretty much the only thing holding my shoulder in place because the cartridge is torn.

So, a couple of weeks ago I went back to the surgeon and I learned that not only do I have a tear, I have a cyst that’s grown while my body has been trying to repair the cartilage The surgeon thinks that the cyst may be a cause of pain as well as the tear itself. He told me that he could do surgery, try to repair the tear and remove the cyst, but this may not solve the problem, I may have pain for the rest of my life. He assumes it’s just better to let him try though, since I am in so much pain.

My surgery is scheduled for June 16th, not exactly speedy. And while I’m waiting for the surgery I can’t get anyone at Group Health to help with pain management. I hate being on narcotics. I become a bitch, I itch, I become spacey (and not in a good way). My primary care doctor wants to stay away from me and my shoulder tear, and my orthopedic surgeon’s office has been terrible about responding or taking responsibility.

(If you want to read the email chain that’s currently going between us, it’s here: http://www.littlepinkfish.com/mapes.html)

On top of all of this, I believe that occasionally I tear it just a little more. The other day, I rolled over in bed and it felt like it tore a little more as pain seared through my shoulder, down my arm for hours until I finally gave in and took narcotics. I couldn’t move it for hours, and the recliner has become my best friend.

So, now you all know, when I saw I’m having a bad arm day I usually mean there’s a pain radiating from my shoulder into my arm that makes me want to scream with rage and cry all at the same time. Every day is hit or miss. Some days I wake up great, but half way through the day it starts in. Other days it starts from the very beginning and doesn’t stop. I am never able to actually use it, on the “good” days I will sometimes forget that I can’t use that shoulder (29 years of habit) and then it’s screwed for DAYS.

I’m not looking forward to recovery. I’m really not looking forward to the possibility of a lifetime of this. I have to hope that the surgery will fix it. At this point, I feel like it’s amputated most of the time, I just try to forget it’s there. Unless, like now, it’s screaming in pain.

Here’s a graphic video that isn’t for the weak of heart showing how they will repair the tear with anchors. Mine should take more than one anchor, this is also an anterior tear rather than a posterior tear. DO NOT WATCH IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO SEE THE INSIDE OF A SHOULDER, but for those of you with macabre interest : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oysXsFG0jc4 OR http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xyd5MCbj774

There’s two morals you can take away from my story, either A) Don’t date Assholes or B) Don’t hang shelves.

It's now officially time to shout it from the rooftops. I finished the second revision of my novel!

That's right, 2:08am on April 28th, I have an official Second Draft of "A Pattern of Absence"!

I honestly don't think I've been this excited in a very long time, it's more of a relief than hitting 50,000 words at the end of November. I actually have a finished novel I'd let people read.

Fuck.

marmaduke_exp has been back lately, and it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside.

I was supposed to have an MRI today, but instead I freaked out and wasn't able to do it. They are going to be able to give me something stronger, but I have to wait until Monday.

Why the MRI you ask? Oh because about 7 months ago my asshole ex-bf was supposed to be holding his end of a shelf up, dropped it and dislocated my shoulder. It's never been the same and it's been getting worse. They think it's a torn rotator cuff. So, potential surgery.

I have been tired lately, but I've been taking vicodin when my shoulder acts up. So, that might account for it.

We got a court order against our renters and the sheriff will be evicting them, with violence.. I mean force, by Monday if they don't leave over the weekend. It's been a learning experience, all this crap. I now know more about Washington state landlord tenant law than I ever wanted to know. I am so looking forward to living in my own house again.

Work..let's see. I've been applying for somethings. The job market is actually pretty sad at this point. I've got a couple leads, but for now I'm enjoying the time I have with Phil, writing and trying to heal my shoulder.

I hate being a woman 5 days out of the month, this would be one of them.

Portia, the pug puppy, is doing really well. She's spastic and breathes heavily. Everything you could want from a pug.

https://www.createspace.com/abna I'm considering entering that. However, that leaves me 3 days to get my manuscript ready, and it's really only 60% edited. I might do it, but it's a deadline and I love deadlines.

I was working some on my book this evening and I really like how it's coming along.

As a final note: I love the new Doctor Who stuff. I was really skeptical when Phil told me I'd like it. I think I saw some of the older stuff on the TV when I was younger and made a vow never to be the "person who watches that weird stuff". I was wrong. I think I wanna have a David Tennant live in my pocket, like a pokemon. He can just be brilliant and smile a lot. Yeah, I can be a total girl sometimes.
( Yeah, Im sparing you the cuteness. But of course you know you're going to look )

I plan on writing a mini-essay that I'll post here entitled "What NaNo means to me". I'm sure you'll all care, but I have an interesting take on National Novel Writing Month now that I've participated 4 times, won 3 times, and have been the municipal liaison for Seattle for the past 2 years. It's possible that I'm actually done participating in NaNo, I'm going to give it some serious thought, but I've learned what I needed to learn from it. I've produced four large pieces of fiction. It's time for me to take the next big leap with my writing, which may mean leaving NaNo behind. We'll see.

I'm looking for readers for this one. I need people who are dedicated to reading it and giving feedback. Which means you have to be able to give positive and negative feedback so I can make it better. Let me know.

So I've got the worst sickness ever. I've spent a lot of time on the couch and I can't really move at all. There's 5 days left of Nano and I only have 6,700 words left to go to "win". I just need to get my concentration back.

I'm going to try eating some pasta, first real food in three days.

NaNo Progress Thingy. It's interesting if you care.

For those of you keeping track:

40,038 / 50,000 (80.1%)

I just had a 7831 word day. I still have a week left and less than 10k to write.
Also, I love this story. This is the one I want to clean up and try to publish. It's taken me 29 years of life to finally write something I find worth publishing. We'll see what happens in the editing process.

21076 / 50000 words. 42% done!


and I actually like my story.

6829 / 50000 words. 14% done!


I know, I'm behind. But when am I not? I thrive under pressure (or something).

http://wei.secstate.wa.gov/OSOS/VoterVault/Pages/MyVote.aspx

Check that to see if you aren't yet.

If you aren't registered you have to have it postmarked today.

http://www.rockthevote.com Print your registration here!

YOU MAKE THE DIFFERENCE.

Yes We Can

I'm addicted to HGtv in HD.

I moved back into my house in Tacoma, so I've been doing a lot of painting and stuff. Oh oh and plaster repair. Lots of plaster repair.

I also got a new puppy.

Seriously the best thing I've ever seen.

I took some pictures of Starbuck wearing her new "gay pride" collar. It's fantastic. There's just some random cuteness as well.

Also there's a video showing the insane cuteness that is her head tilt in action

( Read more... )

She's finally stopped hiding behind the toilet and had decided that Nathan is her new favorite toy. Clearly he could just go out of her reach so he must like it somewhat.

Vid 1
In this one I'd been trying to entice her out of the hallway/bathroom with a treat. Nathan decides that he wants the treat instead. This is, of course, appalling to Starbuck who grabs it and waddles back to the bathroom.

Vid 2
Random playing. You get to hear her do her snorty thing a lot, and I can't stop giggling.

Vid 3
She keeps attacking the stairs, but the best part is the tail thing. So, I forgot when I as taking the video that you can't just flip it like you can photos. ;)

Today you get pictures of me. I streaked my hair, and it turned out to be more blond on top. And yes, I do want to form my own emo-band. Thanks for asking.

( Your hair, is everywhere, screaming infidelities... )

So, the game is that you have to name things that start with the same letter as your own name. Exciting, yeah? I know how to live it up.

1.What is your name: Renda

2. 4 letter word: Rape

3. Vehicle: Rio - Kia

4. City: Roseburg, OR

5. Boy's Name: Ryan

6. Girl's Name: Renda

7. Alcoholic drink: Rum and Coke

8. Occupation: Restaurant Owner

9. Something you wear: Robe

10. Celebrity: Rene Zelwigger (That's how I choose to spell it)

11. Food: Risotto

12. Something found in a bathroom: Red Zone Body Wash

13. Reason for being late: Running Late

14. Cartoon character: Ren, as in Ren and Stimpy. And yes, I've heard it all before.

15. Something you shout: Retreat!

16. Animal: Rooster

17. Body part: Renal Glands (??) I know you can go into "Renal Failure". So, yeah, I'm going with Renal Glands.

18. Word to describe you: Rad

I've obviously given up doing a picture a day, but I'm trying to take more.

( This one was specifically taken for B )

So, it's official. I set up a blog at Littlepinkfish.com.

It's now in use. For those of you who care. I'll probably do most of my posting there, since I can get to it from work.